Back Away Slowly

Sometimes being nice isn't about saying the right thing. There are times when it is all about not saying the wrong thing.

Brain - But I want to say it.
Me - No.
Brain - C'mon, it'll be hilarious.
Me - How about I just laugh to myself?
Brain - But your laughter alone won't sustain me. I wish to feed from the suffering and pain of others.
Me - You disgust me.
Brain - FEED ME!!!

Zzzzzzz

At the end of the workday.

Brain - Booyah! Off work, shutting down!
Me - Brain, I'm going to need you to stay active for a little while longer.
Brain - Whoa! I wanted to shut down at 2:30, but you said "We've got shit to do. Stay on till work is over." Well work is over, my friend.
Me - Brain, you're having me pull on a door you know we should be pushing on.
Brain - Fine! But this is the last thing.
Me - How about you stay on till after we're done driving home.
Brain - Bitch and moan. Bitch and moan.

Muahahahahaha!

Brain - George, do you realize it is 11:30 at night and your sitting in your apartment singing along to Dr. Horrible?
Me - Brain, it is called Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog for a reason.
Brain - And you say I'm the weird one.

What The F*#%?

Brain - You should totally post that as a status.
Me - No Brain. That will never be shared with the world.
Brain - Why not? It was hilarious.
Me - Even I found that to be offensive. Nobody should think that, let alone share it.
Brain - You are no fun at all.

A-Poke-alypse NOW!

Brain - Erica and Eileen have poked us. Return fire!
Me - Brain, I'm trying to read this article. I'll poke them back when I'm done.
Brain - NO! Poke them now! Poke them now! They will think us weak if we do not retaliate!
Me - *Sigh*

*Minutes later after Eileen has shared a video of people firing a cannon*

Me - See brain, you're not the only one who thinks strange things like that during poke wars.
Brain - Blasphemy! I am a special and unique snowflake.
Me - Umm, Brain, I hate to tell you, but they've learned that snowflakes aren't actually unique.
Brain - What? No! You lie!

Thanks For The Reminder

*As I finish the posting the previous comment.*

Brain - You do realize that you've just spent the better part of an hour on a Friday night collecting the various times you've had a public conversation with your own brain? I bet you feel just awesome about that.
Me - I do now, thanks Brain.

Brilliant!

Brain - "Hey, did you notice that Bailey did one of her things where she deleted a comment to change a word?"
Me - "Yeah, but I wasn't going to point it out because she always gives me 'The Look' when I do."
Brain - "But it's funny, you should point it out."
Me - "Fine, I'll point it out."
Brain - "Oh! And you can do it as one of our conversations just to annoy her."
Me - "That way we're doing something that annoys her while doing something she enjoys. Brilliant!"

THAT'S OUR HITLER!

*After a conversation with coworkers about musicals that culminated in The Producers.*

Brain - "You realize I'm going to be repeating 'Springtime for Hitler' for the rest of the day, right?"
Me - "I knew the risk when I had the conversation. Have at it."
Brain - "AND NOW IT'S... SPRINGTIME..."

I'm Rubber, You're Glue

*After seeing a quote from my favorite movie on a friend's Facebook status.*

Brain - We have to watch that now.
Me - Brain, we're in the middle of something else. Let's finish this first.
Brain - NO! Eternal Sunshine now!
Me - You're being childish.
Brain - I know you are, but what am I?
Me - You're going to keep doing this till I put in the damned movie aren't you?
Brain - Only one way to find out.

A Valid Question

Me - Brain, shut yourself off so we can get some sleep.
Brain - I don't wanna. I want to stay up thinking about the myriad ways life could be different and the mysteries of the cosmos.
Me - And I want five million dollars and a pony.
Brain - Oooh, I wonder what life would be like if we had five million dollars. Let's ponder it.

Let's Go To The Mall!

*After hours of having "Let's Go To The Mall" stuck in my head.*

Me - Brain, why have you been playing this on repeat for the past two hours?
Brain - I dunno, because I can.
Me - I hate you so much sometimes.

Putting My Foot Down

Me - Brain, we're going to bed at midnight tonight.
Brain - But I wanna stay up and do random things all night again! And c'mon, there are only two tiles left in the pot for our Words with Friends game with Rob.
Me - No Brain, you had your way last night. Tonight we're sleeping.
Brain - You suck.

No Spoilers

Me - Alright, time to put in a movie I've seen dozens of times and normally fall right asleep to.
Brain - Sounds like a plan.

*One hour later*

Me - Brain, why are we still awake?
Brain - I want to see what happens in this movie! *trollface*
Me - *heavy sigh*

It's Twue.

Me - Brain, can we go to bed now?
Brain - No! I am aglow with whirling, transient nodes of thought careening through a cosmic vapor of invention.
Me - Brain, you're just quoting Blazing Saddles, and I refuse to say ditto.
Brain - Hah! You just did. Ditto you provincial putz?
Me - I hate you so much right now.

The Tables Have Turned!

Me: Why do I have "Send in the Clowns" stuck in my head?
Brain: Because you've watched the Dame Judy Dench version of it twice today after it popped up on Youtube this morning.
Me: Shush brain. I want real reasons, not your fancy voodoo logic!

Grrrr

Brain - Oh hai two am! Long time no see!
Me - It's only been 24 hours. Shaddup.

What a Jerk!

Brain – Oh! Look at the horrific spelling in that status, we should make a comment about it.
Me – Brain, he’s commenting on how depressed he is. I’m not going to try and make him feel worse by pointing out that he can’t use the English language either.
Brain – But it looks horrible, and he should know he’s horrible for typing that.

The First Glimpse

Me - Brain, why do you keep repeating "The Song That Doesn't End"?
Brain - Because someone said they were having lambchops. Now suffer!
Me - *Sobs in corner.*