I'm a Beautiful Snowflake!

While watching a comedian's stand-up special with my father, the comedian makes a joke about random thoughts that come to his head and make him hate himself.

Brain - Did you just tell your dad that I'm like that?
Me - Yes, because you are like that.
Brain - How dare you! How dare you compare me to that plebeian's brain! Name one time I've done something like that.
Me - Ummm, how about Almost as good as Wal-Mart a couple months ago. How about last week when you wanted to make a joke during the inauguration.
Brain - The kid in the Doctor's office deserved it, and you saw how hilarious that audience member was. What was she thinking with that hat?
Me - You're making my point for me.
Brain - You need to take it back. You say that other brain isn't like me.
Me - Are you doing a "Tell me I'm pretty" type whine right now?
Brain - I need self-esteem boosters sometimes too!

Finding the faithful

Brain - You should post up something on the blog and not on Facebook.
Me - Why?
Brain - Because I want to know who is actually a fan and who is just a fair-weather fan.
Me - Really?
Brain - Don't question me. I must weed out the chaff and leave only the true believers.
Me - Are you trying to start a cult? Do you have any idea how messed up that is?
Brain - I can already see someone we'll have to "take care of" has shown his face.
Me - Good luck with that.

Tit for Tat

Brain - Do you really think that going through Facebook and collecting the past seven months of our conversations makes up for the fact that you haven't updated this in seven months?
Me - Not really, but it does make them easier to find.
Brain - You owe me better than that.
Me - You start letting me sleep like a normal person, and I'll consider being more meticulous about updating this blog.

Ultimatum

Me - Listen here head-cold, you need to be completely gone in a couple days. You are not allowed to be even remotely bothering me on Thursday. Understand?
Brain - You realize you're currently talking to a virus. It isn't going to respond.
Me - Says my own brain, which I routinely have conversations with.
Brain - Touché, you're just insane enough for it to work. Carry on.

Whine, whine, whine

Me - Ugh. This stuffy nose and sore throat suck.
Brain - You're whiny when you don't feel good.
Me - Your face is whiny.
Brain - Yeah... That doesn't even make sense.

Glass Houses and All

Brain - Have you noticed the idiots posting things about killing Westboro Baptists and how people who want to arm teachers are morons because they also oppress the teachers?
Me - If you've seen it, I've obviously seen it.
Brain - Do you think they realize that they are hypocritical assholes for making comments about killing people or insinuating that teachers will kill people whilst most of them have also been posting comments about how horrible last Friday was?
Me - Probably not.
Brain - It's as bad as the people at The Voice using Hallelujah as a tribute song for the victims.
Me - You have a point there. Using a song about David/Bathsheba, Samson/Delilah, and sex really isn't a proper tribute song, even if it is hauntingly beautiful and one of my favorite songs.
Brain - You might want to get yourself checked out.
Me - Says my own brain.
Brain - Touché.

Oink

Brain - You realize you're currently trying to do seven things at once, right?
Me - Your point?
Brain - I know I'm awesome at multi-tasking, but this is getting ridiculous.
Me - Quit whining and work faster.
Brain - You know what kind of a joke I want to make right now.
Me - I do, and, despite the fact that you thought it, I am going to refrain from posting it.
Brain - So you're making me do tons of things at once and stifling my creative genius? Fascist pig.
Me - Oink. Oink.